This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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