i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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