Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
