At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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