Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
