fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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