Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
We have so much sex to catch up on
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
