Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
