god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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