How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
