i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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