dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
