I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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