we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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