I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
