he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
