I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
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