They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
