Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
