you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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