Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Randomize
