apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
