today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
