I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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