girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
