well I can't set my house on fire every night
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
