so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
