Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
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