the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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