Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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