Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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