I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
My life is pants optional.
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