It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
