Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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