girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Randomize
