you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
smell my finger.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
