Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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