Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
don't judge my taste in strippers
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
