Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
