aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
