you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
