The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
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