Three words: puerto rican gang bang
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I love you.
Bad choice
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
