if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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