Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
