we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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