i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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