I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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