Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
