i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
