i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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