4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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