Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
