I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
