I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
