apparently the secret to your success is patron
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
