He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
